It’s been some time since I last updated and a lot has happened.

I’m feeling so tired n sick right now. I feel so helpless. My sleeping time has been a cock-up for the past few weeks n I don’t feel so good.

Migraine

Backache

Stiff neck

Swollen gum (wisdom tooth)

Sore throat

Anytime soon, I may have fever. Just how worse can my condition be??!! urgh! It really sucks big time now with all these and having to put up with my mum’s attitude. Dammit!

I’m working on my resume now and starting to look out for jobs. I really need to get a job soon. I need money for my expenses n fill my time. I can’t last at home much longer.

I feel VERY tired lately n all I think of is naps. I wonder how my other friends are doing with work, school n practices. I hope they are doing just fine.

Saturday slept over at my sis house coz sunday ade majlis cukor rambut for Rayn. I slept at 4am and woke up at 9am! It’s very tiring. N the BIG n WORST news I heard yesterday was about my grandfather. I was shocked when I saw him. I was like, “Oh my God Atok, what happened to you??”

Well, he fell. He was known roaming around (which he claimed he was looking for shop) around my sis house n fell. His face, alamak…I cried seeing him in this state now. His ‘gigi palsu’ broke and he had to get 3 stitches on his lips, which are swollen. OMG!!! Imagine how painful it is. Luckily someone found him and called my aunt.

He even helped my grandfather cleaned his wounds while waiting for my brothers to arrive. I really hope the guy is blessed with goodness in his life. Gosh! How I wish I was there when that happened. At least, I know I was there for Atok when he needed me. I really hope he gets well soon. I can’t afford to lose another loved one after my late grandmother. I’m not ready for a loss. Please. Atok, huda saying atok…..

You know what, life is really scary. I mean yes, enjoy life while you can. But how much can you enjoy. You can’t simply enjoy without bothering about other things. It’s like one I’m facing now. Seriously, I’m not ready to get to the working life. It scares me.

I still would want to hang on to my life now; but I got no choice. Life has to move and not remain stagnant. It’s scary, but I got to do it sooner or later. What’s scaring me the most, is being lonely. I don’t mind being lonely; sometimes everyone just needs time to be alone.

What I mean is, how long will loneliness surround me?? Me being at home, doesn’t help anything. My dad is always busy with work day and night. I even didn’t see him for a few days and hell yes, I do miss him. The very one who use to pamper me a lot before he got caught up with work, who understands me the most, I shall say.

Twin is always busy. Dammit! It’s either school, work, or practical lessons. N when he’s edgy after anything, he lets it out on me when I’m home. Shit sia….N mum, urgh no comments. I never get along with her. I dunno why but she seems to not favour me a lot of all my siblings.

My sister n brother are both busy with their own family. With Rayn and Alysha….n a newborn coming soon. Haizzz….. Whenever I’m out and back home late, my mum starts nagging non-stop. What else can I do now but fill my time with friends during trainings?

It makes me think. What the hell am I going to do with my life? Yes I have plans, n I think now I shall work towards it slowly..hopefully it pays off. Insya’allah.

I’m afraid of drowning in life. Drowned in; feelings, sorrows, loneliness, anger, sadness, happiness, wealth, poverty. Too much to think of. It’s not something I would like to imagine about.

Quite a few times in life so far I’ve drowned, n it hurts. Badly! I don’t wish to be in that state again. It’s not that easy to to get up. It wasn’t easy for me to get back on my feet. It sure did takes time n maybe time is still what I need. I need to get used to the way life changes.

Change is inevitable. Everyone has to go through it no matter how hard it is. The only difference is how one looks at the change. Good or bad. Oh well, right now, no more slacking for me. I need to find some things to do. It’s killing me being at home the whole day, becoming a potato couch.hahah. =)

"If you don’t try, all you do is wonder why."

PS: I miss those times. I miss you. I appreciate you being being there for me when I needed you. Thank you.

Just[YOU&ME]